Cutting the cord

My little girl is not a baby anymore. Yesterday was the day Jenna decided to wean herself. She had stopped nursing at bedtime about a week ago, so I've been expecting this day to come.

It's definitely bittersweet. I loved breastfeeding my child, and I am so lucky that I was able to do it as long as I did. It certainly doesn't feel like it's been 13 months. I can still vividly remember my clumsy first attempts at nursing. It was awkward, it felt strange, and it was hard to do. It was actually a bit frustrating too, since I heard more than one mother say how easy nursing is and that they couldn't understand new moms who didn't get the hang of it right away. I pushed those comments aside, and Jenna and I stuck with it, learning together.

Before too long Jenna and I were doing great. Every now and then, the thought that my body was continuing to provide my daughter the nourishment to keep her alive and help her grow would just take my breath away. I never minded getting up with her in the night, and the day that my milk production was finally in sync with Jenna's daily intake, I was thrilled. No more leaking! No more nursing pads!

I had been a bit weary of this final weaning day, wondering how much discomfort I'd feel, waiting for my body to absorb the unneeded milk. I think this gradual reduction in the quantity and frequency of feedings has helped. I am not engorged, just mildly aware of the minor chest swelling.

I am so excited that Jenna is becoming more independent. She's such a fun kid, and I'm relishing every leap she makes. I will always keep warm the wonderful memories of her as a newborn, but we have closed the door on Infant, and we're Frankenstein stepping into Toddlerhood.

Being objective

Here's something I've thought about since I was pregnant. Is there any mother who doesn't think she has the most wonderful and beautiful child? I'm thinking not. I'm sure we've got that coded in our hearts somehow. Ever since the moment I found out that I was having a baby, I was in love. I enjoyed every moment of pregnancy, and continuously wondered what it would be like to be a mother. I wondered what I would be like as a mother, hoping I'd figure out a way to balance my desire to raise a decent person with wanting to have a great relationship with my child. And the moment I laid eyes on my baby girl, well no one could have ever told me that the love would be deeper than I ever imagined. I had never before seen such a beautiful creature. Every single day I love her more. Even when I think my heart couldn't possibly hold another ounce of love, it somehow finds the room.

I never would have guessed this would happen. When I was young, I remember thinking how unfortunate I was to have parents who were so protective of me and involved in my life. I was determined that when I had a child, I would be such a completely different parent. Now I get it. Everything they did was because they loved me. I only hope my daughter realizes this earlier than I did.